


This Summer's Gonna Hurt

by Pearly_Pornography



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, On the Run
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-20 23:32:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13728339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearly_Pornography/pseuds/Pearly_Pornography
Summary: (Like a motherfucker)In which Abigail and Toki take matters into their own hands.





	1. This Summer's Gonna Hurt Like a Motherfucker

For awhile, much too long, in fact, Toki tried to tally the days. But with no windows, no clocks, no watches, he eventually lost track. It was an ineffectual way to tell time. That's what digital clocks were invented for. 

Judging by the amount of time it had been, the way Abigail still seemed to be getting tired and waking up on a neverending cycle, she'd assumed that it was about a few months since the funeral. And yet, it was the only thing on her mind, aside from avoiding sudden death. After all, that was the last thing she saw before she was trapped underground. It was the only thing she had left. A fading memory. A dimming spark.

That wasn't to say she never fought. In fact, right after waking from what was most likely a drug-induced slumber, she bit Magnus on his skinny hand. Drew blood. He pulled her hair, frantically brandishing a bottle of straight vodka and insisting that he was  _trying to HELP_ and that she should  _stop being so damn difficult_. Frankly, she was too busy being blinded and deafened by the pain of the stitches that ripped through her skin, and the alcohol pouring into her open wound. 

It had been awhile. If there was anything Abigail felt secure in, it was that the little two-way mirror in their tiny bathroom meant she always knew how she looked. At some level, she suspected that was why Magnus gave them a basement with a functioning bathroom attached to begin with. (That and, for whatever reason, he considered himself above cleaning human shit out of buckets.) It connected when she noted that Magnus carried her driver's license in his pocket, and at some point, she managed to filch it from him while he was passed out drunk on the floor. Perhaps it was the difference that made her wake up from her several-month trance.

The photo was kind of old. Her hair had been a lot shorter at the time. But more notably, she didn't have such sunken cheeks, or tired eyes, or old splotches of mascara that were never really cleaned off. The past Abigail, most likely, didn't have protruding ribs and legs like twigs, or matted hair, or the gaze of a dead person. She hated it, not because she hated being ugly, or looking weak, but because she wanted to live. This was not a being that was living.

She kept the revelation to herself, though. It wasn't Toki's business. He was already nervous enough as it was. It was a secret plan. And that secret plan took a bit too long to unfold. Magnus himself rarely seemed to come on his own, and sadly, she had no chance of overtaking the masked assassin. Her only joy was the possibility that, maybe, soon, she'd have an open window to jump through, metaphorically speaking.

Finally, that day came.

"Where's Abigail's ID," Magnus was slurring, probably drunk on the upper floors. Of course she'd hung onto it. She hid it just behind the toilet, underneath the tank and beside the piping. It was just small enough to, in some way or another, be hidden in plain sight. Nobody besides her and Toki really went in there, anyway. Frankly, she wasn't even sure why Magnus wanted it so badly. It had taken him this long to notice it was missing, so he clearly wasn't using it for anything.

"Does you know where it ams?" Toki's voice was lowered to a hush. When not surrounded by his bull-headed bandmates, Toki could be rather sweet. They were bad influences. Though, maybe he was so soft because he was afraid. Fear can either make a man a monster or an angel. (Her mother used to say that.)

"No clue."

She didn't have any qualms lying. Not under these circumstances.

Regardless, she could hear tapping footsteps on the staircase, descending slowly. Alone. 

The old door creaked open, and she could see his silhouette in the dark. Really, there was very little actually worth fearing when it came to Magnus. He was skinny. Honestly, if she'd known the guy in high school, she'd probably be shoving him in lockers and writing half-baked insults on his desk. In fact, she'd had the same feelings about Dick Knubbler back when they met. But if Dick was a Napoleon Dynamite, Magnus was more of a Jason Dean. Looks could be as deceiving as words.

His brows were furrowed, and lip curled.

"Where is it."

"Where's what?" Abigail remained as clueless as she knew how to be.

"You fucking know, you took back your goddamn driver's license, didn't you?"

"What, did you get a DUI?" Toki gritted his teeth, a silent  _please don't say that_ , but Abigail stood her ground in silence. Magnus reached for her collar, clearly not used to the fact that he'd long since torn it to shit, only making himself look like the drunk moron he really was. 

And at that very moment, she thought,

 _If I can't take this guy, I basically have no dignity_.

She shrugged. "Check the bathroom, maybe you dropped it in there." The small room would be a perfect place for her to get some kind of advantage over him. Too bad she couldn't beat him with a chair like she'd wanted to. It'd have looked cool. Magnus sighed, shuffling through the bathroom door. The big empty room, after all, had few places to hide anything. She took quiet steps behind him. Much easier without her shoes on. Her heels were a nice brand, so some member of their ranks really badly wanted to sell them. She had no use for them in this place. Magnus leaned over into the sink, and within that half-second, everything felt like it was moving in slo-mo. Her fists collided with the back of his head, and she jumped into his body. A full impact.

He was a fighter, for sure. It would've been great if Toki had helped but he was perfectly content to sit on the sidelines.  _As per usual_. Wrestling his arms together, she cuffed his wrists together with his ugly belt. He was screaming swear words. God, she felt like she was prepping for some weird porno, as she pulled his gross old boot off and jammed one of Magnus' white ankle-socks into his mouth. A moment of silence. "...Toki, do you have anything I can tie stuff with."

"Uh, uh, uh..."

"Hold on-- You keep  _zip ties_ in your pocket, Magnus? That's nasty..." He was clearly shooting some violent insults at her, not that she could hear them. "AND tape. I'm surprised you didn't have the foresight for this."

A few more minutes of wrestling Magnus down, she got him attached to the one wooden chair by his ankles, a long line of tape holding the sock in his mouth. Abigail felt kind of weird, doing all this. On a cute girl, maybe, but  _Magnus_? Even if she liked guys, he'd be like a turn-off with legs. "Toki." She motioned towards him. Magnus looked on with disdain. "What do we do with him. Do we, like, kill him, or..."

"Ams we leavin's?"

"Yeah."

"We's gonna be killeds!"

"We'll be fine." She proceeded to knock the chair over onto its back. Magnus was displeased at the prospect of only being able to look at the ceiling for the next hour or so. "Let's get the fuck out of here, man."

"Waits, we can'ts just leaves 'im."

"Just because his forehead is bleeding doesn't mean he's dead. Let's g-"

"No, I means, we shoulds checks hims pockets for more stuffs."

"...Ahh."

Toki was such a son of a bitch. Which helps, sometimes.

 

-

 

Two pistols, looking pretty old, and one multi-purpose knife, even older. Some money, both of their wallets, a bag of what was either cocaine or white arsenic that Abigail unceremoniously dumped on the floor, a flask, some condoms, and a ring of keys.

"We don't need to bring the rubbers with us, you know."

"Whats if Tokis wants to fucks...?"

"You're not gonna- fine. Whatever." If it gave him peace of mind, she wouldn't argue too much.

"Does we needs good clothes...? It ams prob'ly cold out."

"This is a torture dungeon, not a mall."

Toki lowered his head. "...Any ideas on how to get out?"

"Ums..."

Abigail took one of the pistols, let out a gunshot, took Toki's hand, and proceeded to run out of the room and behind the staircase. Soon enough, the masked man came down with a few others. They entered the room that previously was Abigail's prison, most obviously lecturing Magnus with a tinge of the utmost rage. Abigail didn't care what he had to say. She tugged Toki's arm, leading him up the stairs.

They then sidled against walls all the way to some sort of entrance. Abigail found that flashing people was surprisingly effective, even for victims of hypnosis. And then stabbing them. It was quieter that way. Eventually they got outside.

The sun felt like a dagger in her eyes, peeling through her brain, it stung. It was beautiful.

"How's we goin's to get anywheres...?"

"Uh... didn't Magnus own a motorcycle? Which one was his?"

Toki quietly pointed to one -- black. Clearly old as all hell. "Okay, we'll just test all these keys on it." There weren't that many, thank god. They tried about two or three before one finally went in. "I'm just gonna put it out here, I don't know how to drive a motorcycle."

"I don'ts knows how to drives anythin's."

"Great." She turned the key in the ignition, hearing the engine rev up, and then motioning towards Toki. The two sat down, her in the front and him in the tiny little back. Slowly, she backed out of the parking lot of... whatever this decrepit old place was. Then she slammed on the gas, zooming to the road. Looking back, she could faintly see Magnus and the masked man in the front door. But she didn't stay long enough to shoot them a cheeky wink. The building disappeared as fast as it could have, Toki spitting to get Abigail's hair out of his face.

Soon enough there were barely any buildings. Mostly trees and rails.

"Where ams we goin's?"

"Dunno."

Always the best possible answer.


	2. don't do kids, don't have drugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abigail and Toki go on a quest to find some food. Results may vary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on the ides of March! a day dedicated to stabbing
> 
> update: i lied it's not the ides anymore

_He was tired, he'd been playing guitar all night. Their first gig was something special. Something beautiful. But he was tired, now. After the fact, **that bar** let him and his new family have all the food they could possibly have wanted. William touched next to nothing, which meant more for him._

_Cocktail shrimp._

_"Hey. Hey. Toki. Toki! Wake up!"_

_Sounds like a stranger. Sounds like..._

Toki's eyes fell open.

"Huhwha..."

"I found civilization. Let's get some fucking food."

"We ain't gots a bike locks..."

"It requires an ignition key, stupid. Nobody's gonna be able to steal it."

Toki whined.

"Stops callin's me stupids."

"Whatever." Abigail drove the motorcycle up against a bike stands that protruded from the sidewalk, leaning it against the metal. "I saw a bar. Bars usually have food. And alcohol. Two things I could really benefit from right now." 

"Will we gets service if we ament's gots no shoes?"

"Who even cares? It's not like they check."

Abigail shoved the door open, blankly staring inward. Her expression of half-dead rage was probably enough to make anyone in there reconsider any flirting. It was an early afternoon. Few people were actually around. She shambled into a seat looking like a zombie. The bartender locked eyes with her. They stared at one another in complete silence. Toki sat down beside her and softly mumbled.

"Does you gots foods here?"

Another long silence.

"Is she... Oh my god, are you Toki Wartooth?" The bartender squinted. Toki immediately grabbed an empty glass and chucked it at his head, knocking him unconscious instantly. Abigail stared flatly for a moment, then punching Toki really hard in the shoulder.

"Ow! Dat hurts!"

"How am I supposed to get a drink when  _nobody is back there_."

Toki whined.

"Just goes behinds de counters and gets a thing...?"

"You know what? You're right. Then I don't have to goddamn pay." Abigail swung one leg over the table.

"Waits!" She paused. "...Can I gets a free drinks too."

Abigail turned for a moment, noting that the few bar patrons weren't making much eye contact. Now under normal circumstances she wouldn't even be doing this. But this wasn't normal, and she was hungry.

"Food. I want."

"Abigails, dis ams a bars, dey aint's gots none."

"What the fuck kind of bar has no food? Is this what the world is coming to? Bars with no goddamn food and only refreshments? You just show up to get drunk and then go home to your stupid  _wife_ and your stupid  _kids_ and then go to work and come back  _aaaalll over again_ for some fucking refreshments?!" 

Angrily, she grabbed a bottle of vodka from the shelf. "Fucking whatever..."

"I t'inks we's disturbin's de peace, can'ts we steals quietly?"

"I'm not in any state to do anything quietly, for once let  _me_ be the irrational one and allow me to loudly steal."

"Why ament's anyones stoppin's us?"

"It's because you're a celebrity, when you do this stuff, people find it endearing."

"Dens dey'd be takin's pictures for Inster-Garms."

"Whatever. Help me carry this shit."

"Where's we gonna puts it."

There was another bout of silence. It appeared that the gears in Abigail's brain were slowly turning as she realized they didn't have a backpack or anything like that. Enraged, she broke a bottle of triple sec over the beer tap. 

"We'll just pour it in the flask! It's fine." It did not look fine.

 

-

 

After that little moment of insanity, they were back on the road. They seemed to have driven into some little town, with all sorts of shops and no doubt perfect couples with their perfect children and their perfect little houses.

"How much money do we have?"

"Uh," Toki squinted at the stack of money they took from Magnus earlier. "Twenties dollars."

"Dammit."

"What's de matters?"

"We drove past a sushi place and I wanted some."

"You can buys dat stuffs at drugs stores now."

"It's not as good."

"I's gets better everythin's dan you's, you don'ts sees me complainin's."

"You  _will_ be."

"Maybe we shoulds stops at ones dose places. Asks someones where we ams."

"We could've asked that bartender."

"I-I panics."

"I don't see why you can't just tell people who you are, it'd be way easier to get home that way."

"I don'ts wants bad peoples to follows me." Pause. "I don'ts wants to be all over teevees. Nots 'tills I's homes."

"Man." Abigail scoffed. "Fuck being a celebrity. I'd kill myself."

"Dats seems harsh."

"...Ooh. Drug store." Abigail hastily veered into a parking lot, nearly launching Toki off of it. "Better get something on the cheap to save our money. Maybe I could get money for tit pics or something..." Both of their credit cards were missing from their wallets. Hopefully she wouldn't owe too much. Hopefully her banking company sent out a fraud alert first. "Let's go in."

The automatic doors slid into place, and they stood. God, the people in this town really were making Abigail feel more like a walking pile of dirt. "We should put real clothes on the agenda at some point."

" ** _Ice creams sammiches!_** "

Oh god.

"Toki, no."

"...Craps, I ain'ts gots my insulins..."

Then there was a long. Long. Long silence.

"You  _what._ "

"I don't haves my--"

" _YOU'RE GOING TO FUCKING DIE._ "

"Whats? No ways... Tokis goin's to be fine."

"For a week, maybe."

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. She quickly grabbed a sandwich from the refridgerated goods section, thank god they sell those packaged nowadays, and paid for it, then dragging Toki outside of the store before they could even find out where they were. "We need to call someone."

"Why?"

"If you don't take your insulin, you die! Goddamnit!"

Even Magnus was shooting him up this whole time. This was stupid! She should have fucking thought this through! She wasn't ready to have the blood of one of the most famous men in the world on her hands. 

"God fuck..."

She leaned against a payphone, running through her options. If she called Charles he'd make a big deal out of the whole thing and probably bring helicopters, which would be easily seen by anyone who was chasing after them. The band and Dick were all idiots, and Seth was both an idiot AND all the way in Australia most likely. Which also crossed off his wife, who was at least a semi-functioning human being. This only left one option.

"I'm calling Edgar."

"Edwhos?"

"Edgar." She began punching numbers into the phone. "He'll be able to figure out where we are, at least..."


End file.
